Out of Town

J is out of town on business.  I've been surprised by how at peace I've been with the idea of traveling while still in these earlier stages of recovery.  But, it is what it is, he's being the most honest and transparent that he's ever been, and if there's ever a time for him to go out of town on business and successfully avoid porn, it's now.

He called today after a lunch, just to say 'hi'.  Then about four hours later called back and apologized for not really being able to talk before, because people were around.  I was confused, "Um, we did talk . . ."  He then went on to tell me he'd been antsy to call me all afternoon, and that the contractor he's traveling to see took him out to lunch.  At a 'Hooters-ish' kinda place.  My heart sunk (for him) -- what a crappy thing to have thrown in your path when you're working to rid your life of lust and objectification.  He said he tried to avoid looking as much as possible, but with dozens of waitresses in bikini tops, it was difficult.  But, he shared how he couldn't stop thinking about how degrading the entire situation was . . . the men there staring at these women, how the women were dressed.  Did these women value themselves as more than this, did they know they should be seen as so much more than their bodies?  He sighed sadly, then I could just hear the smile break out on his face when he said, "You know, recovery is really taking all the fun out of my porn addiction."  Ha!




As much as I hate that he had to be thrown into that situation when he's working so hard to avoid these kinds of triggers -- I appreciate that he was given the opportunity to feel discomfort at the situation, to call me and let me know what had happened, and to realize that with effort, he can focus more on the attitude he's trying to cultivate than just on the bodies he'd had the opportunity to stare while thousands of miles away from his family.